Cahill Spoofs
by iheartamianplusnatan
Summary: Classic movies given a Cahill twist hilarious!
1. Star Wars

**Hi! So, I was thinking of some new good ideas since I ended my other story, Cahills Writing Fanfiction, and I thought about Cahill Spoofs! Hope you like it! Cheers!**

**I, iheartamianplusnatan, do not own the 39 Clues or Star Wars.**

Cahill Spoofs

Star Wars

Cast List:

Amy: Producer

Dan: Luke Skywalker

Sinead: Princess Leia

Hamilton: Hans Solo

Nellie: Chewbacca

Ian: C-3PO (the gold, whiny British robot)

Jonah: Controls R2D2

Fiske: Obiwan Kenobi

Natalie: Darth Vader

-recording-

**Amy**: All right everybody, listen up. Nellie is passing out the cast lists.

**Dan**: Cool! I'm Luke Skywalker! I get a light saber!

**Amy**: Obviously , we're not giving you a real one. You'd be cut in half in two minutes. Not that I would be complaining…

**Sinead**: Princess Leia? Doesn't she wear a dress or something? And have little buns on the side of her head? I enjoy looking like a two year old as much as the next person, but why couldn't I have been the producer?

**Amy:** Easy. Because I didn't want to be Princess Leia.

**Hamilton**: Awesome! I'm Hans Solo! And he has a pet….something.

**Nellie**: Aaah! Chewbacca?! Really? Explain how you came up with that one.

**Amy:** Well, Chewbacca has the word "chew" in it. And you like to eat food, so…..

**Nellie**: When this is over, you are so dead.

**Ian:** I'm a robot? Honestly, Amy?

**Dan**: Well, it does fit your personality.

**Ian:** What?

**Dan**: You know. C-3PO is whiny, British, and covered in gold!

**Ian:** Daniel!

**Jonah**: Uh, Amy? You know that I know nothing about controlling robots, right?

**Amy:** Just try your best. How hard can it be?

**Fiske**: I will embrace my role as the great Jedi Master with open arms.

**Jonah**: You do know that he gets cut in half with a light saber, right?

**Fiske**: Gah!

**Natalie:** Darth Vader? Who the heck is Darth Vader?

**Amy**: You really don't know who Darth Vader is?

**Natalie:** Should I?

**Amy**: Um, well, he wants to kill Luke Skywalker, which is played by Dan, and-

**Natalie**: I'm in!

**Amy**: Alright everyone, places!

_Luke(Dan) and Obiwan (Fiske) enter the bar to find a pilot. Hans Solo (Hamilton) and Chewbacca (Nellie) are sitting at a table_

**Hamilton**: I'm…um…..

**Amy**: (whispers) Hans Solo.

**Hamilton**: Right! I'm Hans Solo, and I'm the Captain of the air ship. Chewie here tells me you're looking for passage to the Alderan system.

**Fiske**: Yes indeed. If it's a fast ship.

**Hamilton**: Fast ship? You've never heard of the…the….what was it called again?

**Amy**: Millennium Falcon.

Hamilton: Right! The Millentum Falcon!

**Amy**: Uuuuugh. (puts head in hands)

**Fiske**: Should I have?

**Hamilton**: Ummmm… (turns to Amy) Should he have?

**Amy:** (muffled noises due to her head being in her hands)

**Nellie:** Let's get this stupid scene over with so that I can get out of this ****ing Wookie costume!

**Amy:** Cut!

_In the starship, Obiwan is trying to make Luke close his eyes and use the Force while trying to practice fencing with his new Light Saber._

**Fiske**: Luke, you must use the Force.

**Dan**: This…thing….is…so…hard….to….use!

**Amy**: Dan! Read from the script!

**Dan:** I'm pretty sure that this was the exact same thing that Luke was thinking, but he just wanted to look macho for the cameras, so he said something intelligent.

**Fiske**: Luke, close your eyes.

**Dan**: What the- ?

**Fiske**: Feel the Force.

**Dan:** Okaaaay…..

**Fiske**: Ow!

**Dan**: Did I get it?!

**Fiske**: You got my head!

**Dan**: Why isn't it falling off?

**Amy:** Because it's a fake Light Saber!

**Dan**: Ooooh! No wonder it wasn't running into stuff. Piece of junk! (throws it backstage)

**Amy**: Ouch! Dan!

**Jonah**: (from backstage) Uhhhhhh, Amy?

**Amy**: -acting completely irresponsibly, you-

**Jonah**: Amy WATCH OUT!

(R2-D2 comes flying out from backstage, running into things and causing mass havoc)

**Amy**: Jonah!

**Jonah**: Sorry. I kinda lost control of the remote.

**Amy**: Kinda?!

**Jonah**: Oh yeah, like you come up with all the great ideas. _Just try your best, Jonah. How hard can it be?_

**Amy**: Cut!

**Dan:** I'm Luke Skywalker, and I'm here to rescue you!

**Sinead**: (burst out laughing)

**Sinead**: This is just sooooo hilarious! You- rescuing- me! Ha! (keeps on laughing)

**Amy:** Sinead!

**Sinead**: But he's so tiny!

**Dan**: TINY!?

**Amy**: Dan, Sinead!

**Dan:** I'll show you who's tiny! (jumps on Sinead)

**Amy:** No, Dan no! Stop!

**Dan**: (takes out light saber) Take that! And that!

**Amy**: Dan, you're supposed to be rescuing her, not slicing her!

**Sinead:** Ahhh! Get it off me! It's like a burr or something!

**Dan:** Aaaaaaaaaarghhh!

**Amy**: Cut!

**Amy:** Ian, come on! It's your scene!

**Ian**: I am not going out in this hideous, preposterous, thing!

**Amy:** Ian, really? They can't even see your face!

**Ian**: You can't drag me on stage, even with a thousand horses!

**Amy**: Lunch Break!

**Natalie:** Luke, I must tell you something!

**Dan:** What?

**Natalie**: Luke, I am your father!

**Dan:** What?!

**Natalie:** Duh, it says it right here. (shoves script in Dan's face) Luke- I- am- your- father—wait, WHAT?!

**Dan and Natalie:** AAAAAAAAAAAH!

**Amy:** I think we can all agree that this was a bad idea.

**Everybody:** YES!

**I hope you guys like it! I'll e coming out with a new chapter soon, so keep checking! Please review! Thanks!**

**Here are some questions. I'd be really thankful if you'd answer them for me:**

**1. What movie should I do next?**

**2. Should I add Phoenix to my cast list?**

**3. What would you change about this story? Anything to improve?**

**Thanks!**


	2. Cinderella

**Hi guys! I'm really sorry that I haven't posted in, like, a million light-years, but i've had Writer Sickness. If you don't know what this is, don'y Google it, b/c I made it up about 5 seconds ago. Writers Sickness is a combination of too much homework, having a cold, and writers block. Anyway, I got through it with the amazing help of my awesome friend, Allison. Actually, she made a disclaimer for me! :3 Feel free to check it out, its at the bottom. Please review. I don't really care about flames, so feel free to vent your feelings abouyt horrible my writing is. I won't take offense. Hope you enjoy!**

**Cahill Spoofs Chapter 2: Cinderella**

**Cast List:**

Sinead- director

Amy- Cinderella

Ian- Prince Charming

Hamilton- the King

Reagan- Druzella (Evil Stepsister #1)

Madison- Anastasia (Evil Stepsister #2)

Nellie- Evil Stepmother

Dan- mouse

Jonah- mouse

Natalie- Fairy Godmother

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**Sinead**- Everybody, I'm passing out the Cast List. This play will be Cinderella.

**Everybody**- WHAT?!

**Dan**- I refuse to do a Disney princess play!

**Hamilton**- Not all of them are Disney. There's this cool Chinese version where the Stepsisters get stoned and Cinderella drowned, and then—

**Sinead-** We are NOT doing the Chinese version!

**Amy**- I'M Cinderella?! I am the LEAST LIKELY person to be Cinderella!

**Sinead**- This is revenge for making me be Princess Leia.

**Amy**- At least Princess Leia got run around and shoot people! All Cinderella does is sing about dreams and converse with rodents!

**Sinead**- And that's not even the worst part! (laughs with glee) Prince Charming is—

**Ian**- SINEAD!

**Amy**- No! You have GOT to be kidding me!

**Sinead**- I'm afraid not.

**Amy**- (hissing) You better watch your back, because I'm going to be there, waiting for a chance to stick a knife into it. You won't know when, or where, but I'll get you. Preferably when it's dark and you're all alone, so nobody can hear your screams.

**Sinead**- Whoa, you been eating red meat?

**Hamilton-** Who's the King? Is he the one that gets to stone the evil stepsisters?

**Sinead**- For the LAST TIME, we are NOT doing the Chinese version!

**Hamilton**- Then what's he get to do?

**Sinead**- Well….he's fat, and has anger issues.

**Hamilton**-…

**Sinead**- He gets to jump on a huge bed.

**Hamilton**- Yess! (punches air)

**Madison**- Hamilton, why the heck did you make us do this stupid thing?!

**Hamilton**- Character building. Practice in the arts. And also seeing you guys in dresses.

**Reagan**- Uuuugh! Even in the script we're sisters.

**Madison**- Go figure.

**Nellie**- Isn't the evil stepmother evil?

**Sinead**- Duh. It says EVIL in her NAME. Also, you get to boss Cinderella around.

**Nellie**- This role and I were meant to be!

**Reagan**- That's a bit scary.

**Dan**- You know what's scary?! I'm a mouse!

**Sinead**- Well, it fits your personality. You as Luke Skywalker that last time was just not working out.

**Jonah**- You are letting all this amazing Janus talent go to waste?!

**Sinead**- Why yes. Yes I am.

**Natalie**- Who in the Prada-filled universe would make me the fairy godmother?!

**Sinead**- Me.

**Natalie**- Why?!

**Sinead**- It makes perfect sense! You are the awkward, random person that nobody wants to deal with, and the Fairy Godmother is an awkward random part that nobody wants! You guys are a perfect match!

**Natalie**- Sinead Sabrina Safari Starling! I am going to MURDER you!

**Sinead**- How the heck do you know my middle names?!

**Natalie**- I'm skilled.

**Sinead**- Creeper.

**Natalie**- Nerd.

**Sinead**- Brat.

**Natalie**- Wierdo.

**Sinead**- Stuck up.

**Natalie**- Peasant.

**Dan**- We already know that you are both socially challenged freaks! Now could we PLEASE get on with the stupid play?!

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**Amy**- Well, you can't tell your dream. Then it won't come true.

**Dan**- Squeak squeak. I'm a retarded rat who is supposed to care what some random person is saying. Squeak squeak.

**Sinead**- No no no! You need to put some emotion into it Dan!

**Dan**- I'm trying, but I feel so stupid!

**Sinead**- Jonah! Come over here! Show Dan how to be a mouse!

**Jonah**- Yo yo yo! Squeaker-o! Cinderella is totally boss!

**Sinead**- What the heck was that?

**Jonah**- I'm a rapper mouse.

**Sinead**- There are no rapping mice! Nothing in Cinderella raps! Period!

**Jonah**- Ooops.

**Sinead-** Jonah….

** Jonah**- Well, since we had a shortage of birds, I called up some of my rapper friends.

**Sinead**- And…..

(door busts open, a bunch of rappers in feathered caps walk in)

**Jonah**- Let me introduce Brody, Jorje, Yolo, Spike, and Alfonso.

**Brody**- My homie!

**Jorje**- Whazzup!

**Yolo**- Tweet tweet!

**Spike**- Are we the best street birdies you evah seen o'what?

**Alfonso**- I embrace the chance at getting a once in a lifetime chance to act in a formerly Disney movie. I hope that my presence does not disturbed the aura of any of you fellow budding actors. I shall be delighted if you just showed me the direction of the taco bar.

**Sinead- …**

**Jonah**- (whispers) Yeah, Alfonso's a bit quirky.

**Sinead**- Get them out of here!

**Jonah**- (clears throat) Hey, my homies! We have a bit of bad news. The play has….uh….been cancelled. Yeah, cancelled! So….uh….catch ya later!

**Sinead**- No, Alfonso, there is no TACO BAR!

**Spike**- TACO BAR!

(recording cut due to raging rappers tearing the set apart looking for nonexistent taco bar, and an angry Sinead whacking them with one of Cinderella's bedposts that they had knocked off during their rampage….…)

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(during evil stepsisters music lesson)

**Madison**- Tra la la LA!

**Reagan**- (snickers) You sound like a cat being tortured!

**Nellie**- No, she sounds worse. I've heard Ian torturing Saladin, and Madison's singing is by far worse.

**Amy-** (pokes head in from backstage) Worse than Dan's singing?

**Madison**- Dan SINGS?!

**Amy**- In the shower.

**Natalie**- (also pokes head in from backstage) Well, Madison, at least your barbarian melody sounds ten times better than my brother's.

**Ian**- What the-!

**Natalie**- His bathroom is right down the hall from mine.

**Ian**- (still spluttering) Natalie, I forbade you to go any farther!

**Natalie**- You know, dear brother, I don't think Adele songs suit you that well.

**Reagan and Madison**- ROLLING IN THE DEEEEEEEEEEP!

**Ian**- (face palms) I am stuck with a horde of idiots

**Nellie**- Just admit it you guys. You all sound horrible.

**Reagan**- Well, at least I don't sound like you when you're singing along to your iPod.

**Nellie**- (gasps) Did she really just go there?!

**Madison**- I think that's a yes.

**Nellie**- DIE! (grabs nearby flute and starts whacking Reagan on the head)

**Hamilton**- (from backstage) GET HER! GET HER! GET HER!

**Sinead**- ORDER!

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(when fairy godmother comes)

**Amy**- (crying) My perfect night has been ruined!

**Sinead**- (from backstage) That's perfect Amy. Keep up the emotion.

**Amy**- (scowles) Shut UP Sinead! You're ruining the mood!

(sparkles appear on stage. Natalie walks on with a frown on her face)

**Natalie**- I hate this dress. It itches.

**Sinead**- Suck it up!

**Natalie**- This wand makes me look like a three year old.

**Sinead**- Tell it to your therapist.

**Natalie**- I don't sing. And that stupid song is the last one I'd ever even consider singing, via shower or not.

**Sinead**- You're just trying to come up with reasons to complain, aren't you?

**Natalie**- I'm thrilled that you finally caught on.

**Sinead**- You are supposed to be charitable. Make dreams come true. Go to Cinderella!

**Natalie**- Whatever. (looks down at Amy in distaste) First of all, your dress is hideous. Pink is so not your color. Also, that ribbon is so 1800's.

**Sinead**- (whispers) Give her this to wear.

**Natalie**- (picks up Cinderella dress) This thing? It's hideous! (tosses it backstage) We need a complete makeover for you. Compliments of _moi'_.

**Amy**- Ummmmmm, OK.

**Natalie**- First of all, we need to find a dress that matches your coloring. Green. Jade green. And no bows or ruffles or frills for you. We need something that will show off your skinny waist. Also, it should be sleeveless. Silver stilettoes would go perfectly with your watch. Also, we need to do something about your hair. We CANNOT leave it hanging. Maybe we can try a curly bun. But we'd need to curl it first. Hmmmmm. (turns to Sinead) I'll need some time to plan this all out.

**Sinead**- Just put her in the stupid dress and let's get this over with.

**Natalie**- NO! Don't you understand?! It's a ball! You ugly Ekats wouldn't have any idea what it is, but you need to look special for it. DON't you understand?!

**Sinead**- (nervous laugh) Lunch break!

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(at the ball)

**Madison**- You have got to be JOKING!

**Reagan**- I look hideous!

**Nellie**- I don't know WHO THE HECK you think you are Sinead, but when this show is over, you will be dead. Permanently.

**Madison**- Isn't there only one type of dead?

**Nellie**- Not when you're dealing with Ekats. We thought Uncle Alistair was dead about a million times, but nooooooooooooo.

**Reagan**- Alrighty then.

**Nellie**- Oooh, there's Amy!

**Madison**- You mean Cinderella?

**Nellie**- No, I mean Amy.

**Reagan**- Um, you do know that we're being filmed, right?

**Nellie**- Cinderella is the stupidest name ever. Period. What the heck were her parents thinking? "Mary? No. Rachel? No. How about Cinderella?"

**Madison**- Oooh, look, she's dancing with Ian now!

**Reagan**- She looks so happy. Almost like…

**Nellie**- Quick! Get a video!

**Madison**- (whips out camera) I'm on it.

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**Sinead**- Alright guys, you all did great. See you next week?

**Everybody**- (groans)

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(after play is over and Amy and Ian are in a deserted hallway)

**Amy**- You did a good job.

**Ian**- Yeah, you too.

**Amy**- ….

**Ian-** ….

**Amy**- Awkward…

**Ian**- Awkwarder….

**Amy**- Touché

**Ian**- Yeah…

**Amy**- Do I hear….laughing coming from that room?

**Ian**- Let's check it out.

(Amy and Ian open door, and walk in on Nellie, Madison, Reagan, Sinead, Dan, Natalie, Jonah, and Jonah's friends sitting around a TV that appears to be hooked up to Nellie's cell phone)

**Natalie**- Aaaaaw, they look so cute together.

**Nellie**- Agreed.

**Madison**- Love is gross.

**Reagan**- Yeah, let's watch football.

**Hamilton**- No, don't change the channel. This is amazing!

**Sinead**- Hamilton! I didn't know that you had a romantic side!

**Hamilton**- Well, now you do.

**Jonah**- Yo, my homies! Shut up now!

**Spike**- Yeah, this stuff is better than a taco bar.

**Alfonso**- I for one believe that—

**Nellie**- Oh, just shut up, rapper nerd!

**Amy**- Ah-EM!

**Everyone**- (turns around and looks guilty)

**Sinead-** Hey Amy…..Ian….what's up?

**Amy**- What's UP is that you all are watching a video of me and Ian dancing!

**Nellie**- (intones) _Amy Cahill gazes into Ian Cobra's eyes, and she confesses her true love. Now, she is Mrs. Cobra._

**Ian**- It's Kabra, actually.

**Amy**- NELLIE!

-cut-

**Hey again! Hoped you like it! **

**So, if you have any ideas about what I should do next, just PM me! I get super happy when people who have written really popular stories review me. I'm like: YAY! Like when I saw that Paris Cahill had reviewed me, I got super excited b/c I LOVE her stories!**

**I'm going to thank my friend Allison for giving me the Cinderella idea. SHE IS SO AWESOME GUYS! Also, a special shoiutout to my other friends, Mari (who writes ****Goddes Test**** Fanfic), and Abby (who writes Percy Jackson fanfic)**

**Anyway, here is Allison's disclaimer that she begged me to put on. Cheers!**

Zoe: I, Zoë hereby hand over the  
disclaimer to Allison!  
Allison: Thanks, Z! Okay, um, hi. I was unprepared for  
this so, who to call. Sadie Kane? Naah, I think she's in Egypt, or something.  
Annabeth? Nope. Last time, Athena answered. THAT was awkward. Piper? No. I am  
NOT having that foul mouthed horse in here again. Too bad they're a package  
deal... Ooh! I know! Natalie! NATALIE! GET IN HERE!  
Natalie: You yelled,  
peasant?  
Allison: Yes. Yes I did. Disclaimer, please.  
Natalie: Why in this  
Prada-filled world would I help you?  
Allison: Oh, so you want to do this the  
hard way, huh? Fine. A) I said please. B) I WILL have Zoë here have you fall in  
love with Dan.  
Zoë: I have absolutely no problem with that.  
Allison: And  
C) I will rip this dress you brought with you.  
Natalie: NOOOOOO! Not the  
dress! Fine. iheartamianplusnatan does not own the 39 clues. *rips the dress  
from me, and runs away*  
Allison: Notice how she didn't have a problem with  
falling in love with Dan. Huh...


End file.
